All I am choosing to say right now is that I went to camp, had a great time, nicknamed 2 people Zoraack and Tazyr (Real names: Garrick and Tim), got a new nickname (Tre), and came home with some type of infection in my ear.  I'm going into the doctor today because it keeps getting worse, and I realized it last night when I had trouble sleeping because it hurt really bad, and you know when you put your ear right down on ur pillow, you can hear the blood circulating, like the ocean in a shell, waves type of thing?  Well, when I put my ear on my pillow, it sounded more like a faucet was on...I really don't like doctors, but I really have to go, I really would prefer not to get sick...but if I do get sick, I wanna get really really sick, because I might get put in the Make-A-Wish program thingy, and I already know my wish...I had to pick it out from about thousands of the ones in my head, but I want a music lesson from MCR (Songwriting lesson from Gerard, Drums with Bob, Bass with Mikey, Guitar with Frankie and Ray), that would be kinda cool...but I really don't wanna get really really sick, but if I end up doing that, that would make it better.  Ok, off of the depressing subject.  My summers been going well, I hope yours is too!

~Jess

I guess I can take the time to post today, but only because it's sunday.  We went wakeboarding yesterday and I did a major faceplant.  I was riding switch because I had flipped it around but I went skating across the middle of the wake and my board went perpendicular to the wake, and the edge got buried, so I got ripped out of my bindings and flung onto the water, doing a faceplant.  I swear, I flew out of those boots, like, 3 feet.  I'm still kinda hurting today, but it was worth it.  And then on tuesday, I had soccer practice, but it was just me and my teammate Heather, so she teamed up with her dad and I teamed up with my coach and we played 2 v. 2.  We didn't keep score, though, so I don't know who won.  Lets see, oh, and I got my Camp Sealth program description yesterday with my special packing list, so this week, we're going out shopping so I can get the stuff I need for camp.  It's 10 days of kayaking, windsurfing, and sailing, and it starts August 4th, so I'll be gone then until the 13th.  Not like you care, you guys are having a good summer.  I hope ya'll are having fun!  Have a good summer!!

Love ya'll!!!
~Jess

Okay, I promised I'd talk about my cruise and everythign else that's been happening this summer, but I decided something.  I won't.  If you really care, you can ask what I've been doing.  I waste a lot of my time typing up all my memories from a certain thing that I did, like a two-day stint and Youth Conference, and hardly anyone reads them, but that's not what bothers me.  I spend so much time writing when I could be outside, making more memories to scrapbook in my heart and to tell my friends about when I get the chance.  So I'll see you, hope you have fun summers, all of you, don't expect to hear from me much!

Love ya'll!!!
~Jess

Ok, I said I'd write about what I've been doing, but I really don't want to bore you with that, it hasn't really been very interesting.  So instead, I think I'll bore you with my list.

This is my list of books that I keep by my bedside for those nights when I can't sleep and I haven't had a very good day and I just pick up one of these and read a part of it and it just makes me feel so much better.  I love these type of books, probably because I'm a sucker for the hopeless romantic stuff.  Here's my list!!!

Kissing Vansessa
By Simon Cheshire

Backstage Pass
By Gaby Triana

What My Mother Doesn't Know
By Sonya Sones

Contents Under Pressure
By Lara M. Zeises

All-American Girl
By Meg Cabot

Comfortable in my own Genes
By Tamra Norton

Any of the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books
By Various Authors

Well, my list is always growing, so I'll keep working on it!!!

I guess it's kind of sad when you think about it...this thursday, we've been out of school for 2 weeks.  Most of me misses it.  I loved Northwood, it was totally awesome!  Well, there were somethings...but that's not important.  I just miss it.  That school holds so many memories for me, it's almost scary all that happened there.  But hey, things happen.  Things change.  I found this list of quotes, it's totally awesome.  There's, like, a hundred or so, and I'll post [my favorites] later.  But here's the link.  Anyways, on to business...

Youth Conference:

I had to get up kind of early on thursday, but it was my birthday, so it wasn't that bad.  On the way to Camp Cispus (out by Mt. St. Helens or something...), Sasha gave me my birthday present, DUCT TAPE!!!!  Well, more like covered me in it.  They kept tearing off strips and writing stuff on them and sticking them on me.  Samples: 'I love Trees' 'Hug me, it's my BIRTHDAY,'  stuff like that.  When I stepped out of the car, I was pretty much covered in duct tape.  It was funny!  well, we got our schedules and maps and nametags and cabin assignments.  I was in Ruth with Sasha.  We had classes, I had dance instruction, and I got to dance with Bishop Bigelow!!!  YAY BISHOP BIGELOW!!!!!!  He's funny, and Megan's on my soccer team!  Well, at lunch, (before classes), I sat with Sasha and Mady, and they sang to me in this huge group that was there, too.  At dinner, I got sung to, again...3 times.  It was my table (plus the whole room), then the whole room for other people with birthdays, too, and then it was Steven and (I think it was Chevian, it might have been Preston, sorry guys, my memory sucks!) sang me the Birthday song..."This is the Birthday song, It isn't very long"...that's it...lol.  That was a really good day.  We had this escort thing going there, the guys would escort the girls EVERYWHERE...so Chevian escorted Sasha and I a couple times, he is THE COOLEST dude EVER!!!  He's so funny!!!  Then, we went down to the fireside by President Halverson and I sat next to Steven.  That was funny.  He talked for just a bit too long, (I had a blitz attention span that day, if I wasn't doing something, I went insane, and listening does NOT qualify as 'something'), so I folded my music into a frog.  I know, not appropriate, but what do you expect...I'm ONLY 14!!!  Well, then we had a dance...that was funny.  We did this Disco line dance!  Then, We sang and danced, I actually slow danced!!!  That was sooooooo cool!  I never ever got asked to dance at a school dance, but here, it was nice, 'cause I really felt more safe there.  There was just this overwhelming spiritual feeling there, it felt good for once.  I felt like I belonged.  Well, I danced with this dude whose name I can't remember (if you ever find this, dude whose name I can't remember for the life of me, I'M SO SORRY!!!!), and then I danced with Jeren, and then...ummm, who was it...then I danced with Brandon!!!  Brandon is so nice!!  He's a bit of a dork sometimes (sorry Brandon), but he's really nice!  I was wearing this shirt that said "I Do All My Own Stunts" and he said 'I want to see that' and I told him to just wait for me to do something stupid like I usually do and then I'll be doing my own stunts and he said 'But I don't want you to get hurt' and it was just really nice.  I just had to hug him...I'm sure everyone who knows me or brandon or both with just have this look of disgust going, but hey, IT WAS MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY AND I COULD DO WHAT I WANTED!!!  And then I danced with Lizzy's friend Max from school (he's not a mormon).  Lizzy was making fun of my for a while, so after the dance, I kicked her in the shin.  I felt better.  I went up to Corbin and asked if he'd give me a hug 'cause it was my birthday, and he did.  Big.  Deal.  It's not like we're secret lovers or anything, it was jsut a birthday hug, a hug between friends.  Brandon escorted me back to my cabin and I went to sleep.  The next day, I was with Chevian and Steven and Preston at breakfast, and then we did challenge games, very eventful.  We started a cheerio war.  Then, at lunch, I sat with Chevian...he's so cool, but I also sat with his little groupies...he's becoming their lap dog.  It was kind of sad.  Sometime that morning, Lizzy and Ashley and their guy friend whose name I don't know were walking around on the main road thingy, so Sasha and I were jogging to catch them and Chevian ran up to us to escort us, and then we caught up with Lizzy, Chevian left, I kicked Liz's backpack, and Sasha and I went back through the center of the Camp.  Chevian went the other way and we actually beat him to where he was going, so we booked it back the other way, waited for him to get to where he was going and then passed him.  I kinda feel bad for doing that to him, but it was hecka funny.  Oh, and after breakfast, I gave Corbin a hug, I don't know why.  He was kinda stunned, and I told him I was leaving early.  we talked for a little while.  Ok, back to whatever.  We went on a hike, it was long and boring.  Who cares.  We went behind a waterfall.  Wo0o0o.  We went back to camp, ate (again, I sat with Steven and Preston), had a bit of free time, went down to the fireside (another one).  This time it was the Taggerts.  Again, it was long, but I did kind of pay attention, I payed attention as much as my short attention span would allow.  It really wasn't much, but I sat by Sasha.  Then, we went up to the field to take pictures as a group and then I had to go.  Before I went to get my stuff from my cabin, I hugged Corbin again (a goodbye hug this time) and he said 'I hope you have fun on your cruise' and I told him to keep in touch, so I hope he does.  That was my youth conference.  It was so much fun, but I missed the concert by the Paget Brothers (Chevian, Sage, and the other ones whose names I can't remember.)  For those of you who ask why I do this, even though some of you don't really care, it's because I want to remember this.  As it is, my memories of names and events is already fading so I would prefer to get it written down to relive the memories and have a record of them somewhere. 

I'm feeling a bit melancholy today, for no reason really.  I'll write about my cruise in the next one.  This is long enough already!

Lots of love!
~Jess

It was the last full day of school today!  All I have left is from 8:35 to 12:01 tomorrow school-wise and it's over.  Middle school is over.  I started this tiny bit of a song, it's really just a verse and chorus.  I still need help with the pre-chorus, second verse, bridge, and ending.  But I think it sounds pretty good.  It's called No Turning Back.  Don't steal it, this is my original work!!!

No Turning Back

It's been a long time going,
It's been a long time gone
These years have taken their toll
But we're still hanging on

We realize that as we grow,
Nothing ever stays the same,
Forgetting all the things we know
Forgetting all our best friend's names

(End of Pre-chorus) And There's...

(Chorus)No Turning Back,
Nothing Ever happens twice
We're moving on, we can't slow down
It's twice the speed of light

No Turning Back
Make the most of the days you have
You'll never return
so make the memories that you can

'Cause there's no turning back.

Well, I hope you like that, if you can help me *Allie*, that would be great *Allie*, so just email me *Allie*  Okay, enough with the subliminal messaages.  I think it's an okay song, but it would be cool to finish it off, but all my arrangements sound like a soundtrack from a sappy love movie, but if you wanna help, my only condition is that it has awesome drums...lol!  That'd be so cool!  Anyways, I'll write more tomorrow.  I'm too sad right now, on account of the school thing.  It's really upsetting.  Especially since I love Northwood and all my teachers there.  Well, lates!

~Jess

Well, it's been a while since I actually posted, and a lot of stuff has happened.  Brad and Angelina...psssshhhhh...Tom and Katie...who cares?  Even the whole Jessica Simpson and Bam Margera 'affair' isn't very exciting.  You know what was exciting?  EVERYTHING!!!!!  HAHAHAHA!!!!  Ok, here's what happened.

8TH GRADE PARTY!!!!  That was so exciting!  It started at 5:00 with dinner, we had mexican food (read: undercooked rice, mushy beans, cold quesadillas, lettuce-y tacos, and way too crunchy tater tots).  Oh well, at least the chips were good!  Well, then, we went into the gym, took some pictures and got our yearbooks.  We took a Supernoggin picture!  Here it is!!!!

  That's Carly, me, Emily, and Andrea and that's my super cool shirt.  My pants were black with green and white pinstripes. 

Ok, after that, we signed yearbooks a lot and then the dance started.  Jessie dragged me off to get glamor shots, I'll put that up when I can get a copy.  Then, we danced...a lot!  The music wasn't that cool, but we danced, and we jumped, and we sang, and we macarane-d.  That was so much fun!  We created a bit of a mosh pit during fast songs, like All the Small things, we jumped a lot during that, and then there was a lot of hip hop.  Tess, Carly, Andrea, Allie and I had this slow dancing ring where, when it was a slow song, we just danced in a circle.  That was so tiring (the whole dance).

Umm...let's see, what else.  Oh, I've got youth conference on thursday, my BIRTHDAY!!!  YAY!!!!  I'm so excited, 'cause I'm gonna make Corbin be nice to me.  I'm gonna try and get him to give me a birthday hug, but I don't think that'll work too well.  It's gonna be fun, though.

Ok, I'm gonna say this out loud, I really don't care who knows.  I have a serious crush on Corbin Sterling.  Who cares.  I dunno, some people say that I'm in love with him, so be it.  It really doesn't matter.  It's just, whenever I'm around him, I feel the need to check my hair and I wish that I didn't have such bad eating habits so I wouldn't have so many stains on my.  He just makes me want to laugh and smile, and I don't think he's stupid anymore, and I realize that I've been really mean to him.  I just feel like I could tell him anything, and he'd just understand, and that he wouldn't tell anyone anything.  Especially when I talk to him on IM, it just feels right, and we have so much in common.  I dunno what you'd call it, I'm open to suggestions...lol.  But whatever!

I gotta go, nature calls!

~Jess

Wow...yesterday seemed sooooooooo much longer than 24 hours, probably because I was up and moving ALL DAY!!!  It rocked, though.  Here's my schedule!

8:00 AM

I had to wake up when I would normally be almost ready for school.  I really hadn't slept well since 5:00 when Liz got up to go to seminary.  But hey, I was excited, so it wasn't too hard to get up.

9:20 AM

We left for the graduation, after my mom picked Liz up from school.  I wore this brown peasent skirt, it was really soft, and this light green low cut v-neck shirt with a white cami underneath.  The shirt had short flutter sleeves, and it looked really nice with the skirt.  Also, I had this really pretty sterling silver necklace with this charm that had the Chinese symbol for 'peace' on it and it said peace on the back. 

11:00 AM

The graduation started with the processional, then a couple speeches, and then, WHOOHOO!!! GARY LOCKE SPOKE *sarcasm* .  Halfway through his speech, it was just like, 'Ok, that's enough, you can GO now!!!'

2:00 PM

Raining, we went to H.D. Hotspurs for lunch.  that was cool, I finally had the burger I was craving!!!  It was just so good that the graduation was over.  It just took WAY TOO LONG!!!  But it was fun, anyway.  I got to see Syd walk up and get her diploma, and then watch my Mom get up there and get her diploma.  It was awesome.

6:45 PM

Left to go to the concert, SO ESSITED!!!  We listened to Brad Paisley the whole way! 

12:00 PM

OH MY GOSH!!!!  BRAD PAISLEY IS SO AWESOME!!!!  I LOVE BRAD!!!!  I [HEART] BRAD!!!!  Next time he comes to town, I'm getting backstage passes!!!  It'sll be sooooo cool!!!!  Terri Clark was awesome, but we didn't stay for all of Reba, we left around 12.  I was such a long day.  I got a t-shirt with his face on it, and a poster!!!

I didn't wake up until about 10:30 this morning and it felt soooooooo good!!  I gotta go, I have a newspaper to finish!

OHMYGOSH!!!  I just saw the new video for Chely Wright's "The River"  OHMYGOSH that is such a sad song!!!  Here are the lyrics!!

On a Friday night where I grew up
There ain't a whole lot you can do
The same ole' faces the same ole' places
Ain't nothin' ever new.

After the football game we'd hang around
The high school parking lot
Then we'd pile into a couple of cars
And head off to our favorite spot.

Down to the river
We went to the river.

My sophomore year was a carbon copy
Of the ones that came before
'Til a night in late November
That shook us all down to the core.

We'd won the game by twenty points
Couldn't wait to celebrate
But our lead car was goin' way too fast
They never even hit the breaks.
They went into the river
Deep in the river.

We buried Laurie Mabrey
In the clothes she'd been wearin'
Her cheerleader outfit never looked
So out of place.

That sweater and that pleated skirt
Of blue and white and crimson
Just didn't belong in that shiny sliver case

I moved here to Nashville
On May 12th of '89
And I started gettin' letters once a week
From this friend of mine.

I'd gone to school with Christine Thuro
From kindergarten on
She'd say hang in there 'cause.

I just know you're gonna be a star
She and her boyfriend and a couple of kids
I guess she met through him
Set out for the Marais Des Cygne
To try to cool off by takin' a swim.

There'd been a lot of rain that summer
And the current was too strong
I heard that they did all they could
But christine she was gone.

Into the river
She died there in the river.

I was baptized in that same water
Gave my soul to Jesus
How can such a peaceful place
Be filled with so much pain.

'Cause two young mothers lost their daughters
Right there for no reason
I swear I'll never go down there again.

Back to the river.
That mean ole' river.
That beautiful river.
That damn ole' river.
That damn ole' river...

Yeah, kind of a bizarre title, but I'm rethinking everything today.  Rethinking where my life is going, my views, even what I'm going to bring in for the lyric poetry thing on wednesday.  I might choose to do a country song, which is what I want to do.  I dunno, maybe I'll finally decide something.  Who cares.

~Jess

Hello again, ya'll!  I'm back to normal, no more of my little thoughts on life...for now...LOL!!!  I'm just sooooooooo excited about the 8th Grade Party!!!!  It's gonna be so much fun!!!  I'd, like, scream my head off if Brandon K. asked me to dance with him...that would be so awesome!!!  Yeah, I feel so pathetic that I'm, like, saying this online...but maybe he'll read it or someone who knows him will read it and tell him!!  Gosh, that's sad...scratch that...wait, I will!!! I'd, like, scream my head off if Brandon K. asked me to dance with him...that would be so awesome!!!  Yeah, I feel so pathetic that I'm, like, saying this online...but maybe he'll read it or someone who knows him will read it and tell him!  LOL!!!  I'm still really excited, though!!  I wanna convince my mom to let some of my friends come over after school and spend the night.  It'll be so much fun, and then I can get some help with hair, makeup, and WHAT I'M GOING TO FREAKING WEAR!!!!!  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GONNA WEAR!!!!  I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!  But hey, it'll be so much fun!!!  I always said I wouldn't stress, but I'M STRESSING SO BAD!!!!  I'M GONNA GO NUTS!!!!  Everything has to be PERFECT!!!  If it's not, it's ok, but I want it to be prefect, and I want to get pictures, and I want to look good, and I want everyone to remember me as the cute one who looked really good at the party and the one that was really nice about signing yearbooks!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Ok, now that I got that out, I feel better!! 

TTYL!!! ~Jess

Ok, so last time I left off with my belief system, and a lot of that is not in that entry.  So I guess, since I have time before I have to take a shower before school, I'll continue.

I believe...

I believe that everything in the past, present, and future is all happening at the same time.  So, to blow you're minds further, I'm gonna explain it.  For example, you've already read this postand have learned from it, but you also haven't read it yet.  One of the things I've been waiting to say to one of my teachers (feel free to use this) is 'Technically, with my belief that all time is happening at this very moment, we've already had this conversation and I've already benefitted from it!'  So basically, everything thing that is happening right now, (you sitting, reading my post, possibly listening to music or watching TV or something), has already happened and is still going to happen, all while it's happening to you right now. 

I believe that nature is much a part of the human spirit and soul as feelings like love, hate, saddness, and anger.  I try and stay very zen and in tune with my natural self. 

I believe in karma, and karmic retribution.  Basically, everything you do, good or bad, will come back to you some time in your life.  Simple as that.

I believe that Tre Cool should divorce his wife and marry Meg White from the whit stipes and have cute camel-faced, white skinned, drummer babies.

I believe that 'How Do You Get That Lonely' is the saddest song I've ever heard. 

I believe...that I have to go get ready for school.

Bye, ya'll!

Well, there's no real reason, basically clarifying things for people, and trying to un-confuse some people about what I think and my hard-to-follow theories.  I do have one rule, though.  IF YOU FLAME ME, YOU WILL BE BANNED, FRIEND OR NOT.  You can try to explain your POV, but as long as you don't say I'm stupid, or wrong, etc., we're fine.

I believe...

I believe that Michael (or Michelle, whichever you prefer) Jackson, is guilty.  I believe that Scott Peterson and OJ were both guilty.  Scott Peterson was proven...OJ wasn't.  But he was guilty, the whole US knew it, because the police stopped looking.  The police never close a case that quickly if they only have one suspect, unless they think that the suspect they have did it.

I believe that Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain.  The amount of heroin and cocaine (plus traces of morphine, comparable) in his blood stream was 3 times the lethal amount (for him, because his lethal amount was not normal) and that amount has the same affect as a large dose of morphine.  He would be out cold in less than 10 seconds, giving him almost no time to remove the syringe, pick up the gun, put it in his mouth, and pull the trigger.  Plus, the last few lines of his "suicide note" weren't in his handwriting, but Courtney's.  And the note wasn't about suicide at all.  It meant that he was leaving his wife and quitting music.  But I don't think he wrote that on the day of his death.  I think he wrote that a few days before and Courtney saw it and got pissed off.  I believe she hired someone to kill him.

I believe that there is a God.

I believe that anything on this Earth that comes from Nature, so rocks, trees, plants, protozoans, etc.  all have feelings, and have spirits and know things and stuff.  I believe that, if you go to a beach, there will be a rock there that, when you pick it up, it feels kind of warm and vibrates on a spiritual level, and it's like, you were meant to pick up that rock.  It's like, the rock and you were friends in a past life or that it was destined for you to pick up that rock, because it had some purpose in your life.  It may seem weird, but if you're in tune with nature, you're souls vibrate in harmony (yours and the rock) and I've done this so many times, so you may think I'm a whack job, but I've done something special with every rock I've picked up. 

I believe that I have to go now...

Ciao for now!!

I'm not normally a super-emotional person, but today has just been crazy.  I won't lie about what I did today, though.  School was normal, except for the wanting to hurl when I saw Corbin and Natalie holding hands, being blissfully happy.  Normally, I want to hurl.  Today, there was something inside of the that just...broke.  I said I won't lie, and I wont.  I still had/have a crush on Corbin.  I say the "had/have" because, after today, I'm really not sure.  I deny it, but I guess I'll just say I have a crush on him. 

It really hurts to know that he'll never really like me, and I guess it's just really hard to take.  Like I said, I deny it, but thats just to protect myself.  If he doesn't know that I like him, it makes it a lot less heartbreaking to see him being so cute with Natalie.  I guess it just makes it easier one me because then he doesn't have to worry about averting his eyes or ignoring me, and it hurts less.  Don't get me wrong, I wish them the best, even though (no offense to them) I don't think they'll make it through the summer.  It's just hard to see them together because they're so...I dunno...right. 

But here's where that little tidbit of info comes in...today...I let go.  I let go of him, of my feelings, grudges, personal vendettas...everything.  I listened to the CD that most reminds me of him, partially because he got me hooked (it's Yellowcard, BTW), lit a candle, relaxed, cried a lot, stuff like that.  I still don't really feel better, I just feel like I could just cry.  I did write something kinda cool, though.  Here it is.  It was in my sketchbook in my textbook cursive...

Dearest Friend,

The more I see you,
The more I know
We aren't meant to be
We never were and
never will be

I still remember
the night you took my hand
We just seemed to fit
but now everything just seems wrong

I lie here
Crying
Wishing
Hoping
Praying
Everything was ok
Just like it was

The truth is,
It never was
We never were

I was weak
I wanted someone
To take my hand
tell me it was alright
You weren't him

Every moment we shared,
I'll cherish
But we never had it all

Love always
Jess

I do feel better after that, but I still need someone to just give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok, he's just one guy and I shouldn't let him ruin my life like this.  The sad thing is, he was a lot of my life, I thought of him as a friend.  I'm not saying I spent hours obsessing over him and writing our names together like we were married or with little hearts all around, but it seemed like talking to him, or just seeing him smile made my day, just because I could see someone who was making the best of what God gave them and that someone was at peace inside.  Well, I'll take time to pine over it, but hey, tomorrow is another day and you never know what will happen.

Ciao for now!

PS  For all of you out there at Relay for Life tonight, LOTS LOTS LOTS of love and kisses to ya'll, you guys are AWESOME!  You guys totally rock!!!!  Keep on goin!!!!

I'm experimenting with new journal, none have been started yet, but I'll to a xanga and a livejournal, and then a new bravejournal for my fashion stuff, so bare (?) with me as I do this stuff, it's not like I really have time to post much anymore.  TTYL!

~Jess